How hard is it to give a urine sample?

Apparently, people can make anything harder than it needs to be.

For instance - what is the first thing you think WHILE AT THE DOCTOR when someone hands you a plastic cup with a lid?

Since I can remember, I have known what the little plastic cup with the lid at the doctors office has meant - they need some pee. And since I was a small child, I have known you pee a little in the toilet and then pee in the cup and that you don't have to fill it to overflowing. I'm pretty sure that EVEN IF I were "drunker than Cootie Brown" (some awesome Southern saying I keep hearing) I would know what a cup with a lid means when it comes from the nurse or doctor. Well, you'd think that a 65 year old man could figure that out right?

This patient came by ambulance for a chronic complaint, drunk as a skunk. Since he was complaining of a chronic pain he's had for the last 3 years (according to all his recent records), he was taken off the ambulance gurney, placed in a wheelchair and was being pushed down the hall by me to be put in the waiting room to be triaged in order of arrival. Many people do not realize that arrival by ambulance does not automatically make you first in line to be seen. Well, we passed a bathroom and he tells me he needs to pee. Well, it's always better to have a urine sample and not need one then need one and have wasted the pee just an hour before. So I wheel him into the bathroom, ask him if he can handle getting to the toilet himself (he says yes) and I hand him the cup and SPECIFICALLY said, "We might need a sample to send to the lab, so fill this cup at least halfway with your pee and leave it on the floor next to the toilet. When you're done, open the door so I can wheel you out to the waiting room." Now, that seems like a pretty clear set of instructions, right??

10 minutes later, he hasn't opened the door so I knocked and asked if he was okay. He said he was done and waiting for me. I rolled my eyes and warily opened the door, pulling some gloves on. I see him sitting back in the wheelchair with his back to me, thankfully his pants are all on and zipped up. BUT I don't see the specimen cup on the floor next to the toilet, as I instructed, so I start looking around. Nope, not on the sink. Nope, not ON the toilet. Nope, not in his lap. Nope, not somewhere under the wheelchair. I don't see any strange cup shaped bumps in his pockets. Toilet has urine in it but where the HECK is the cup if he didn't use it?? Great, I am going to have to ask.

"Sir, where is the cup for the pee?"
"It's in the trash."
"WHY did you put it in the trash??" as I reach into the trash with my gloved hand and pull out an empty but WET with urine cup. I am now COMPLETELY baffled. If he bothered to pee in it, why is it in the TRASH??!!

So the man answers me, "Well, I filled the damn thing 10 times so that's how much I peed since you had to know and then threw the pee cup away!!" If I didn't have pee soaked hands full of empty peed in cup I would've smacked my forehead, quoted Homer Simpson (DOH!) and rubbed my temples.

"Sir, I TOLD you I needed you to pee in the cup so we can send it to the lab and I didn't even use big words and I know sometime in your 65 years of life you have given one so what in the world possessed you to think I needed you to fill it and dump it out over and over? How in the world did you manage to hold it in between cup fillings? IF I needed to know the total, don't you think I would've given you something A TAD BIT BIGGER? You just made a simple thing 10 times harder LITERALLY!" He just shrugged. I again had to fight the impulse to rub my temples.

YET ANOTHER CLEAR REMINDER - You can't fix stupid!

Teaser

Here is a teaser for a coming to you soon blog -

How hard is it to give a urine sample? How about 10?

What NOT to say when someone is starting your IV

No side seat driving allowed.

Just DO YOUR JOB and we will get along just fine

Tune in later for the complete details! (Basically I needed to put it on here or I'd forget what I wanted to tell everyone!! I am such a dummy lately.)

I must be Crazy

So I got up determined to run today, which I did. I ran 3.3 miles in 39 minutes, the fastest time yet. I really felt good during and after. I felt even better when I passed a much fitter-looking girl in obvious exercise gear on my way to the airport and on my way back she was not much further. She may or may not have started much farther away and petered out but it doesn't matter because in my head - I AM TOTALLY ROCKING this run!!

I stretched out afterwards as usual, but this time I did it in my driveway. While stretching, I noticed how badly I needed to weedwhack the front yard because Naaman has finals this week and I can't wait for him to have time to do it. So I changed my shoes (I don't want my running shoes all green on the toes) and grabbed the weedwhacker and went to town. I edged the entire yard and changed the spool on it at least 3 times. I got to the front yard and was cutting around the trees when I finally got sick of the 2 dead trees. I finished weedwhacking and got the handsaw and went to town. I chopped the 2 dead trees down and cut them up smaller so they will be easier to haul AND THEN I decided the trees in the back and on the west side of my house need trimming and went to town on those too.

All said and done, I ran 3.3 miles and then did about 3 hrs of yard work. Like I said, I must be crazy!

I love my job!

I don't know if I've said it enough times but I REALLY love the people I work with..well almost all of them. They are great friends and awesome coworkers and when I move I will really, really miss them.

First, I made it to work really early by myself - like 30 minutes early. I carpool as much as I can with Jess and Janette and they would be SHOCKED by the fact that I made it their early without them.

Second thing of the day - I pulled into my parking spot and saw Ron walking into work and he waited for me. We chatted while I was walking in and I heard this huge splat right next to me on the ground- I narrowly avoided being hugely crapped on by a bird. I laughed and made a joke about yesterday being so nice and today probably should be rough and that this is the omen of the day - narrowly avoiding being crapped on. How prophetic I am without meaning to be!

Third thing of the day - Jim gave me a HUGE thing of coffee he bought for me at Costco. He had said a few weeks ago that he thought I'd like that blend and he was going to buy me some, I doubted him and thought he was just saying that and I shouldn't have doubted him. It's like 3 bags of coffee beans in one. I now have enough coffee to last me until the end of the year especially since I just bought a bag of Abba Java beans.

Sounds like the start of an awesome day, right? Well, I was sure optimistic about it.

We were busy about 2 hrs into the start of the day and it NEVER LET UP. I ended up staying an hour past when I'm supposed to leave so night shift wouldn't hate us and I usually get to leave 30 minutes before that! Jim and I stayed the latest. Cindy stayed an extra 30 minutes. Everyone else jumped ship and I didn't even see them leave. They were so overloaded and the NOD wouldn't send any help except a tech from 2N named Crystal. She was a very nice tech and did her best but that isn't another nurse.

That last hour was pretty rough because I was already feeling crappy and then went to help triage. The first time I opened the door to call my first name and this guy started yelling at me how he'd been there for 6 hrs and that they keep telling him they call in order but no one has been in order. I tried to explain triage and how it's not just time order but also the level of sickness and then he gets 2 feet away from me and is in my personal bubble and yells, "SIX HOURS!" I took a deep breath and tried to be nice again and explain that they called in TWO extra doctors and they were trying to move as fast as possible and national wait time was about the same to which he barks out, "That includes cities like NYC and this doesn't count!" My filter at that particular time broke under the pressure and what came out was the pure truth and I didn't yell this but I certainly wasn't sweet with it. "Well, SIR, this IS a city and there are many other places to go so why don't you go find good free healthcare somewhere else and scream at them. Wait, it doesn't exist. You have 2 choices, sit down and be grateful you have free healthcare and aren't sick enough to be rushed back or go somewhere else." I got a few appreciative smiles from other people and I turned and called the next person in line who just happened to be the one RIGHT before him, and told the jerk to move to allow him to come back. Do not piss of the gatekeeper of the ER! He is lucky I didn't just decide to "reassess" him and move him back.

Working with friends

I don't know if I've said it enough times but I REALLY love the people I work with..well almost all of them. They are great friends and awesome coworkers and when I move I will really, really miss them.

Jim brought me a HUGE thing of coffee he bought for me at Costco. He said he thought I'd like that blend and he was going to buy me some, I doubted it and shouldn't have. It's like 3 bags of coffee beans in one. I now have enough coffee to last me until the end of the year.